


Commiseration

by Half_SubmergedinPurgatory



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky's Eternal Suffering at Steve "On Va Voir" Rogers, Crack, Gen, Prompt Fic, Rhodey and Bucky Bonding Over Their Dumbass Pals, Rhodey's Eternal Suffering at Tony "But Science!" Stark's Hands, Steve Fights Everything, tony helps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 22:51:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14175084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory/pseuds/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory
Summary: Prompt: Rhodey and Bucky commiserating please!Bucky sees that Steve and Tony have gotten up to no good again and goes to complain to Rhodey.





	Commiseration

“Rhodes, Rhodes, where you at? Rhodes, please.”   
  
Bucky was saying, wandering around the common room and trying his best to find the Colonel. It had been an incredibly long day and he needed somebody to talk to, but he knew Rhodes would be dodging him. That man knew all too well that he didn’t want to hear what Bucky had to say ( _what Tony had been up to_ ).   
  
“RhoooooooooOOOODDDDDEEEEESSSS-”   
  
“Ugh, fine, I’m here. Shut up, Christ I have a headache.”   
  
Rhodes mumbles, scooting out from underneath the couch. Bucky smirks at him, then flops down on the couch, ignoring Rhodes’ grunt as he accidentally kicks him in the shoulder.   
  
“Your boy-”   
  
He starts, and Rhodes starts thunking his head against the couch,   
  
“Stop that, I won’t let you do anything that might help you forget this night. I have near-perfect memory, Rhodes. If I need to be haunted by this, so do you.”   
  
Rhodes grumbled and sourly eyed the metal hand Bucky was using to support his head. He looked like he was deeply considering biting it.   
  
“Please don’t do that. If you have to leave to get dental work, I’m stuck with those morons all on my own. Rhodes, please, you’re my only hope.”   
  
Another grumble left Rhodes’ mouth, but Bucky was well-versed in them by now. That was definitely an “Fine, ruin my day already” grumble.   
  
“Ok so, your boy saw on the news that a giant squid monster was in the harbour, just having a grand ol’ time and not even ruining enough stuff to set off the Avengers alarm.”   
  
Bucky said, picking up speed and volume,   
  
“It was just a big squid. Big squid cutting off shipping routes, but whatever? Nobody needed to interrupt its day. It was doing fine by itself.”  
  
Rhodes side-eyed him and Bucky flipped him the bird,   
  
“It wasn’t a problem YET is all I’m saying.”  
  
Rhodes’ side-eye lost some of its intensity, so he probably agreed with Bucky there.   
  
“Anyway! YOUR BOY! TONY STARK!”   
  
He pointed dramatically at Rhodes, who only rolled his eyes and mumbled something about disowning Tony,   
  
“Decided that he should try out some new translation technology. On a squid. On a gigantic mythical squid that has never before been seen. A scientific marvel. And he tried to talk to it.”  
  
Rhodes sighs,   
  
“Was it ugly?”  
  
He asks. Bucky thinks for a few moments. Yeah, it was pretty hideous. It had nothing on that little pig squid thing Bucky had looked up awhile back. He nods firmly.   
  
“Well,”   
  
Rhodes says,   
  
“That’s why he tried to talk to it.”  
  
He smirks at Bucky,   
  
“He only adopts ugly things.”   
  
Bucky shoves Rhodes off the couch when he tries to climb up.   
  
“You’d better not be talking shit, Rhodes. He adopted you before he ever adopted me.”  
  
Rhodes grins at him and Bucky can’t help but smile back. He knows exactly what Rhodes is gonna say - it’s what he would’ve said in his situation about Steve.   
  
“I adopted him, he didn’t adopt me.”   
  
Moment over, Bucky went right back to his rant.   
  
“The translation tech succeeded, because TONY, y’know? Of course it did. So the squid is all like ‘blah blah blah I hunger, blah blah blah gonna eat the city’ so now MY BOY is all like ‘well I’ve gotta fight it now. I’ve gotta fight the 80 foot long squid. I’ve gotta go and punch the scientific marvel.’“   
  
Rhodes groans and pinches his nose. He knows what’s coming next.   
  
“And YOUR BOY, your beautiful idiot, goes like ‘Wow Steve, that seems like a great plan. Let’s fight the squid together without notifying literally anyone, including the authorities or like…PETA or something. Let’s go commit an act of animal cruelty.’ And they did Rhodes. They punched the squid.”   
  
Bucky grabs Rhodes by the collar and drags him up to be face to face with him,   
  
“Do you know how much a squid weighs, Rhodes? Or how much density they have? The answer to both is ‘not a lot’.”   
  
Rhodes pales,  
  
“They didn’t.”   
  
Bucky shakes him,  
  
“They did! They punched the squid so hard it EXPLODED and now there’s calimari all over the city. Our boys are all over the news!”   
  
Rhodes looks like he wants to cry. Bucky empathizes.   
  
“So Tony tried to clean it up. He fried it with the repulsers. Half the chunks disappeared, but the other half are cooked. People think he did it on purpose - made a joke of all that property damage.”   
  
Bucky tells him, letting him go and curling into the fetal position,   
  
“And Steve, Steeeeeeevvvvvvvvveeeeee, doesn’t know how to waste food to save face, by God. He tried some of it. Said it was good. Told Tony he has to cook for him sometime.”  
  
Rhodes grabs a pillow and screams into it. The press fiasco was going to force all of the Avengers to go vegetarian or something in apology.   
  
“And then he got a bunch of calimari and brought it to the local soup kitchens.”  
  
Bucky finishes, because that’s as far into the news story he had managed to get before he’d throttled the tv remote and destroyed the tv.   
  
Rhodes clutches his shoulder in solidarity. Bucky clutches him right back. Together, they take a deep breath, and open up the tablet left on the table.   
  
They were going to kill their boys one day. That is, if they don’t manage to kill themselves first.

**Author's Note:**

> Giant Squid: *exists*  
> Steve: *vibrating with excitement*   
> Tony: *vibrating with intrigue*   
> Bucky: Hoe, don't do it.   
> Steve: I'm gonna fight the squid.  
> Rhodey: HOE, DON'T DO IT!  
> Tony: I'm gonna fight the squid, but for science!  
> Steve&Tony: BY THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP, WE VANQUISH YOU!


End file.
